I wrote these jokes back in 1999 when I was still in high school and immature. I read them again about 13 years later (in 2013) and realize some of the ones referring to historical events probably aren’t even accurate, since I learned more about those events as I got older, lol. I apologize in advance if these jokes might offend anybody who eventually reads this post. I post a lot of older stuff on my blog for posterity and for others to enjoy, but it doesn’t necessarily say that’s how I act or believe anymore as I get older. Enjoy!
Mr. Robinson (Eddie Murphy) Walks in his apartment and talks about today’s episode. “Hello boys & girls, today we’re gonna learn how to go down chimneys dressed like Santa Claus and put wrapped up dog shit under the christmas tree, and how to put crack, pot, LSD, Shrooms, cigarettes, alcohol, Poppies, and drug paraphanalia in the stockings, then after that we’ll learn how to raid the food in the fridge and take some radios and TVs and some VCRs that aren’t ours, like taking milk & cookies.
. The Menandez children just got there own TV show entitled: “Life With Menandez.” There first episode is entitled “Hey boys and girls, hate you damn parents cause one’s abusive and the other’s no help? Well you’re watching the right show, because today we’ll show u how to kill your parents, lie about it, take your parents money and buy stuff, and then go to court 6 years later.
. Charles Manson is being interviewed by Ted Coppel: “I love to kill people for a living. I either shoot them or stab them. If you want to be a serial killer call this number 1-900-murder-me.”
. Michael Jackson promoting a new song off a future album: “I’m not a faggot, it’s just that I’m a sweet transvestite and love it so much, just another Ru Paul!”
. Jeff Foxworthy on his trademark: “If you listen to me you might be considered a redneck, if your dog is loose you’re a redneck, if you’re a faggot you’re a damn transvestite, give me a gun so I can blow your head off!”
. OJ Simpson interview with Barbara Walters: “I didn’t kill no one because I’m an ex-football star and so whatever I do is innocent except for when I killed Nicole and Ronald, so as long as nobody knows I’ll be free, finding women and killing them.”
. David Letterman’s top 10 reasons to watch his show:
10. Because there’s nothing else on
9. Because Jay Leno eats too many Doritos
8. OJ Simpson’s trial is over
7. To see me smoke my cigar
6. Because I’m funny
5. You’d actually wanna watch Oprah Winfrey like Peg Bundy?
4 Arsenio Hall retired
3. I’ve been doing the show ever since the 1970s
2. You didn’t know there was a so called show
1. If you don’t I will shove a bomb up your ass and blow you away.