What’s this life for?

I have often wondered and thought to myself: What is this life for?  I have been searching for 33 years – and I’m 33.  Seeking God for proper guidance, etc. and nothing I find.

When I was in my 20s, I lived alone and worked for walmart and got drunk on my nights off.  When I left that job, I stayed home about 90% of my time never going anywhere accept maybe on the weekends.  I met my ex-wife whom I was with for 4 years, but that marriage eventually failed.  I than meet my current wife who I have been with the past 4 years, but it’s been a rocky relationship since day one – even though we have some good days, and we are now currently separated.  I am now staying at my brother’s house until who knows when.

I do have hobbies and interests, and most of them include creativity – which is why I have this blog and why I’m signed up for several social networks to begin with: to promote my creativity in hopes that the right person sees it and gives my life new meaning.  I don’t feel like I have any other skills or talents, and feel this is my only outlet to show the creative world what I know that I can do!

I feel that God has called me to be a very creative person, even though I’m really not all that creative but I try hard to be.  However the right person who can help me make a living at this hasn’t come along yet, and I feel stuck in this world.  other than the creative stuff, I don’t feel like I can do good anywhere else.  I want a family and a relationship, but I’m not a good father figure to my step-kids.  I try to be and want to be but I can’t figure out how to balance my time on the computer to my time with them.  I want a great relationship with my current wife but I can’t seem to figure out how to balance my computer time to time with her either, and besides that I just feel stepped on a lot.

I just pray God answers some prayers soon.  I just don’t know what else to do.  Some people have a stronger strength in God.  I definitely admire those people.


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