Don’t Recognize Myself These Days

I do not know what to say or think on things currently. I do not know how to take my success I have been given. There are so many emotional thoughts going on through my brain. Growing up, I was never a part of anything. I was always bullied, and the last one chosen for anything. Lots of times I even sat out during PE class and read a book because of constant harassment. I was a very quiet, shy, and introverted person. And when people in high school would pick on me just for fun, I wouldn’t know it because of how bullied I was when I was younger. Yes, I felt like a total loser growing up. I didn’t even go to my own prom. I graduated high school in 1999 toward the bottom of my class, and then went straight to work after graduation. Working a dead end grocery store job that barely paid for anything, and then going on to a dead end night shift job at Walmart where it felt like the movie “Groundhog Day.” Other jobs I would have would have the same effect. I would go to work, and then come home, and the next day do it over again. Nothing very exciting. I was constantly depressed because I felt there was something more to life than just that. I had desires of running my own business and doing media work but didn’t see any way or chance how. I just felt lousy as a human being. I just felt like a lonely retail stocker that wasn’t important.

My life has been changing these past couple of years (especially this last year) and I just don’t know what to think about it or how to handle it. What my life is like now is not the Mike Irvan I know, and don’t get me wrong – I am 100% proud of myself for what I have accomplished in my life the last couple years. I just don’t know how to deal with it or take it. For the first time in my life I feel successful and for the first time in my life my dad told me he’s proud of me. My last semester at Northark College I made the Dean’s list, I took a test one of my teachers suggested I should take and ended up 2nd place in the state of Arkansas for that test, which allowed me to go to the National PBL Conference in Chicago this last week. I didn’t even go to any of the PBL meetings so didn’t consider myself a member, and I was shocked I got 2nd place in the state competition. I don’t win at anything. So I was able to go to a major competition event for the first time in my life, and felt like I was a part of something. I felt accepted as part of their team. It was an amazing experience. I even got a chance to go on the stage to sub for somebody else which was pretty cool, and I also got to finally go into the Sears tower, and walked onto the ledge – which was intense! It was amazing!

And on top of that, a couple of great people from church hired me to do video work for their production company. I am now accomplishing things I have always wanted to do, I just never saw how. I can’t even recognize this new Mike Irvan. I now feel like I’m apart of things that are important and not doing the same old depressing grind.

God got a hold of me a couple of years ago, and my life hasn’t been the same ever since. I just wish certain people I’m close to in my life who I love dearly would be proud of me for the accomplishments I’ve made in my life instead of just ignoring me because of other mistakes I make in my life.

“I Can Do All Things Through Christ Who Strengthens Me.” – Philipians 4:13

“Life Moves Pretty Fast. If you don’t stop to look around for a while, you could miss it.” – Ferris Bueller


One thought on “Don’t Recognize Myself These Days

  1. Mike, you are a wonderful part of the team and I’m very proud of you! It was fun making memories in Chicago. You are worthy! Keep following Christ and believing Him and you truly can do all things!

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